Fam and Fufan by Benny Hill

Benny Hill wrote this (Although he writes it as if it were by Foloman Faint John) This won't be funny if you don't understand how the letter S was written as an f in English way back when.

"Fam and Fufan by Foloman Faint John

Fam the Blackfmith tollf the bellf with ftrong and finuey handf
He haf loft hif heart to Fufan but alaf fhe if too grand
Fufan waf ftrolling by the ftream liftening af the church bellf rang
They founded fad, but not af fad af the fong that Fufan fang

Fuddenly the fun came out, funfhine alwayf made her gay
Fhe faid, "I think I'll have a fwim, it'f fuch a funny day."
Af Fue took off her bloufe and flip and corfet fo that fhe could have a fwim
Fid the Faddler fpied on her, but Fue could not fee him

Flowly Fue took off her fhoef and fockf and when fhe waf undreffed
Finful Fidney felt hif heart abeating in hif breft
The Fun Fone on the Filky Foftneff of her golden hair
It cafcaded paft her fhoulderf and refted on her boffum there

Hif heart waf filled with luft af Fue fauntered acroff the graff
He longed to ftroke that tiny waift and that large well rounded aff
Af Fue flid into the water Fid revealed himfelf to her
He ftood befide her clothing, determined not to ftirr

Fufan who waf flightly fhocked faid, "Fir pleafe go away."
But Fidney full of farcafm faid, "I'm here and here I ftay."
Fufan picked up a faufepan, and ufing it to hide
Her feminine embarraffment ftrode up to Fidney'f fide

"Fir," fhe faid, "Do you know what I think, you filly clot?"
He faid, "You think that faufepan haf a bottom, it haf not."
The fcene waf fet for feduction when blackfmith Fam appeared
"Oh fave me Fam," faid Fufan. Fam grabbed at Fidney'f beard

They wreftled and they tuffled and their mufclef fhone with fweat
Fid flipped and did a fummerfault, diflocating hif neck
Af Fam held Fue in hif ftrong armf he felt her foftly figh
"I'm yourf. Feel it with a kiff. I'm yourf until I die."

Now they're married and have fixteen children and they've juft purchafed a new pram
Af I've faid before there'f no one who can ring the bell like Fam"

(Do you know how difficult this is to write out.)